There was a school shooting in Florida this past week. It like
many other things cause conversation in our household. One of the children at a
rally held regarding gun control had made an impassioned speech about calling
those currently in power on their bullshit. I totally agree with what she said.
Weak firearm legislation put guns in the wrong hands and people’s lives at
danger. My daughter is extremely empathetic regarding the dangers around her.
She is well aware of the various ways and means of how people can hurt her or
her friends. The way she describes it, it is a crippling fear. Fear that the
car looking for parking that has circle the block may be a kidnapper or worse.
Fear that the person leaning on the corner watching the school may be up to something
unwholesome. Fear that other cars on the road will crash into her if she
doesn't react correctly. My daughter seems to live her life with this constant
underlying fear. she internalizes what happens to others and assumes the worst
case scenario. I had never hidden the dangers of the world from her, but
I have never exaggerated them either. I had hoped that she would develop a
level of situational awareness that would help to keep her safe. That we were
teaching her how to assess the environment around her and know what if anything
needs to be done. I may have failed. There are a lot of reasons my daughter
would be negatively interacted with, her gender, her skin color, her size, her
sexual orientation. The powers that be did her no favors but give her intelligence.
Intelligence is a tool that I don't think I have had her use properly. Over the
course of her life I have said and demonstrated many platitudes. That when you
hold on to fear you can't think, you react. At that point you are consumed
with all the bad things that could happen and how can it get worse. With fear
on the brain you are not looking for solutions, or taking care of yourself
you are frozen not knowing what to do. This make me worry about her
well-being. For a father that is never a good thing. I don't know what to
do.
About the speech, my wife asked
Ari to watch the speech, and my daughter got upset that she had seen a lot this
before and that there was nothing being changed and she wanted to take a break
from the pressure of being scared. She wound herself up to a point where
she felt threatened and was almost hysterical. she had worked herself to a
state where she was unreasonable and defensive. Lori and I continued the
conversation, we were told that we were being rude. In trying to understand
where she was coming from the above hypothesis formed. That my daughter lives
in fear. I told her that all information is useful you can't say you have
already heard something until you heard it again. Over the course of my life I
have developed a credo or philosophy. Information gives you knowledge,
knowledge give you options, options give you opportunities. I tell her that you
cannot complain about something without a solution in mind. I am going to try
to help her. Find her a good therapist. She has not had good experiences before
but with age come maturity and goals. we will find one that helps her meet her
goals. I love my Daughter
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