Long, long time ago

     What object is evocative for me. Its there something that makes me reminisce about the past that draw up different memories at different times. There is music. Certain songs bring good memories and stories I want to tell but mostly good memories. Can songs be counted as evocative they are not tangible but the words the lyrics when written can be evocative. I not sure what the word means anyway. Its it something that pulls nostalgia from you? Something that make you think of something not related to the object that stirred the memory? If so I have to go with music. The first song that comes to mind is “American Pie” by Don Mclean. Different parts bring up different memories. Anytime, among my friends if in conversation someone says it was a long time ago or something to that effect we start singing. I think about all the places we sang it. When we sang it , who we sang it with, what happened when we sang it, who we will never sing it with again. That song is part of the soundtrack of my life.

Skipping Highs and lows 

Into the Future

    I had a one on one with my manager's manager. Our org chart is pretty flat but she is definitely above me on the food chain. we Talked for a while about the projects I am working on, how my job is, what else is going on in my life that may effect my work. How life in general is  I vented a little I don't think I said anything bad, the people I was talking about are retired or just gone. What ever my opinions are, were I don't feel that they are all that bad. maybe I am a little burned out. All in all iit went well. Until , she asked me what my career goals were. 

    I was little put out. I told her I really had not thought about them. I have maybe 10 years left at Queens college before I retire. I have already been here 19 years in roughly the same position. I have had the same job line title since I stared. I have watched 4 CIOs come and go during my time here at QC. I have applied for other positions and other responsibilities, I have been passed over and rejected regarding them all. I am a bit mad that in some of those cases I had been held back. At some point I just decided to keep my head down and do my job.  To find challenges, I after much cajoling went back to school to hopefully get my bachelors degree in something, . 

Back to career goals, lately I have ben getting into the habit of defining exactly what I am looking to do. I googled (that is a verb?) career goals in IT. I got a decent answer as well that was open enough to give it a lot of thought. the top four career goals for IT exactly what I thought for any job. 

    Improve yourself. This usually means learn a new or work to improve a work related skill or tool. It can also mean do something that will improve your self like go back to school. get healthier, or find a hobby to cut down on stress. These things will help with job production. I am already trying to take better care of myself. I am back in school working towards my degree. 

Start a business. I don't want to hang my IT shingle out. I get enough work without going out on my own. And that would be a big step that I am not prepared to make. Maybe after I retire i can do things that I like to do to make some additional revenue  

    Aim for a promotion- I don't know what else to do. I tried to get to other departments but none of them really interest me.   I may be gun shy as I had tried to alter my course and was shot down everywhere I tried.

    Aim for management. This would be the best option but that would be totally out of my control and comfort zone  The position has to be advertised. I will be passed over though because I am still working on my degree.

     I have never been particularly ambitious  . My career goals have been do a good job. complete the project. keep the user up and running. I applied to job opportunities when available. we had initially talked about it and a lot of the answers i gave her were pretty much on track. I am getting tired time to wrap up.   

High point of the day: It was a very productive day, it feels like I solved some problem and had a nice dinner with Lori.

Low point of the day: feeling like I am not in tune with my English class.

What I learned today:: patience and a good work ethic can yield unexpected rewards                                                                                                                                            

Things are "Looking Up"

If you stepped in the depths of this paper you would barely get your feet wet.

    I recently was watching a movie on Netflix called “Don’t Look Up.” The movie stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Jenifer Lawrence as two astronomers that discover a comet that will hit and destroy the Earth. It is a satire about who and what our priorities are in American society.  The astronomers try to do the right thing and tell the proper authorities. Some of them are incompetent or do not take the threat seriously. The President a true politician in that she is in office to get elected again, is played by Meryl Streep. Her plan is to hold off on the news until it can better help her politically. The media hands the astronomers to the morning talk shows that trivialize the news because that is what keeps their audience watching, one of the astronomers buys into their own hype and rides the catastrophe for fame instead of informing the public.

    While I was incredibly entertained and enjoyed the movie completely, it did flip my cynic switch. Everybody, no matter what consciously or subconsciously has their own agenda, In the case of “Don’t Look Up”, you would think that a cataclysmic, extinction level threat to humanity would have us working together, altruistically for a solution.  Not so in the movie, like everyone else, one of three things motivate the characters. Fear, Greed, or Pleasure. Anything you do comes down to at least one of those three things. This does not always mean that these are bad things. If you do something out fear that feeds someone else’s greed and pleasure than that could be considered a good thing.  Taking a deep dive into the movie there will be spoilers.

    Two astronomers discover the comet, and when they realize that this very large object is going to hit the Earth, they decide to report it to the proper authorities. They do this because they do not want to die and do not have the resources to stop it themselves. The head of NASA does not believe them and does not understand the science behind the report. The head of planetary defense does believe them and stands behind them because he does not want to die either. The President is motivated by greed and pleasure holds on to the news for a better time and dismisses the report as something less than what it is because she does not respect the credentials of the source. When the time comes to deal with the problem it is politicized and used for political capital. The resolution is to send up nuclear warheads to divert the path of the comet. They hold rallies to generate political support and prop up a hero that is unnecessary because the safest way to do the job is remotely.  On the day of the launch, after all the fanfare up to that point. The mission is aborted just after launch because the primary provider of campaign funds tells the president to cancel because he wants to mine the comet for minerals. Because of his money and resources, anyone that examines his plan to carefully, or points out that there will still be disaster level death and destruction are blackballed from their industries or mysteriously disappear. His plans go awry of course.

    This is a great satire that exposes many of the weaknesses in our society. It magnifies the motivations of those in power. The effect of social media on our culture.  The lack of respect that our society has on science. The effects of the gaps in wealth and class. I recommend watching it and discussing the subjects it brings up. I also recommend watching it past the credits for a piece of satisfying karma.  One last thing, Every disaster movie starts with those in authority not listening to those in science.

Swing and a miss

 

So, I totally blew my First occasion paper. Every one else in the class shared some very personal or deep stories about themselves I wrote a bad movie review. I think I totally misread the room. I am listening to the stories and occasions my classmates are talking about, and I shudder. The young women around me in this class are very open at least on paper. Listening to some of their papers felt intrusive. Some of the topics have a bravery that I would like to think I have but was never tested. they also so come from very different places. I feel unconnected by age and gender in this class like there is no one I can look at and nod at with shared experience.  I know my nature and as a parent and guardian I want to help, discuss, support, but I know that is an intrusion as well. So here I am, the older male in a room full of young women I do not know personally, feeling the need to defend my gender. I know the last thing any of them need is a heroic male figure to save them.

 The next paper will be better. I think I kept it light because I do not feel comfortable sharing things about myself and who I am with people I do not know well. I do not seem trusting these days. I don’t know why. There are so many things that I could have wrote about. My issues with time and why I never feel I have enough of it. why I joined the army and my tribe. What it’s like being a dad with an adult child and how to feel pride and disappointment all at the same time. I can talk about my addiction to roleplaying and how it helped and hindered my education and gave me family. So many things. I should write the next paper on why I came back to school, what I get out of it, and how I feel about being in classes with kids that grew up with the internet and never had to make a mix tape off the radio.

 High point of the day: having a few good conversations with my manager, my instructor, and my wife throughout the day. 

Low point of the day: Realizing that not only do I have no ambition, I have no idea how to get it.

What I learned: I think I never lost my addiction to Role-Playing Games.