So, I totally blew my First occasion paper. Every one else
in the class shared some very personal or deep stories about themselves I wrote
a bad movie review. I think I totally misread the room. I am listening to the
stories and occasions my classmates are talking about, and I shudder. The young women around
me in this class are very open at least on paper. Listening to some of their
papers felt intrusive. Some of the topics have a bravery that I would like to
think I have but was never tested. they also so come from very different
places. I feel unconnected by age and gender in this class like there is no one
I can look at and nod at with shared experience. I know my nature and as a parent and guardian
I want to help, discuss, support, but I know that is an intrusion as well. So
here I am, the older male in a room full of young women I do not know
personally, feeling the need to defend my gender. I know the last thing any of
them need is a heroic male figure to save them.
The next paper will
be better. I think I kept it light because I do not feel comfortable sharing things
about myself and who I am with people I do not know well. I do not seem
trusting these days. I don’t know why. There are so many things that I could
have wrote about. My issues with time and why I never feel I have enough of it.
why I joined the army and my tribe. What it’s like being a dad with an adult
child and how to feel pride and disappointment all at the same time. I can talk
about my addiction to roleplaying and how it helped and hindered my education
and gave me family. So many things. I should write the next paper on why I came
back to school, what I get out of it, and how I feel about being in classes
with kids that grew up with the internet and never had to make a mix tape off
the radio.
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